Whether it is okay for boys to play with toy guns is a controversial topic. Many parents may feel uncomfortable about their young child wielding a gun and going around shooting people even if it is a toy. Other parents may think that it is all part of being a boy and that a boy’s natural aggressive tendencies should not be suppressed. So who is right? The research on whether toy guns make children more aggressive is contradictory. What is interesting is that play therapists, who use play to help children work through anxieties and issues, include toy guns for the children to play with.
After some initial reservations, I have decided to be reasonably relaxed about letting my son play with toy guns as he was making guns out of Lego and cardboard anyway. One of his best friends has a nerf gun and they seemed to have so much fun playing with them at his friend’s house, I decided to buy one too. I also want my son to feel that he can play whatever games he likes within reason.
One problem I have encountered so far is the consternation of some of my friends for having toy guns in the house. Some of them have said that they would never have a toy gun in their house and they try to stop their son’s playing shooting games. This has allowed me to discuss and debate the research regarding aggression and toy guns with them.
Although it is unclear whether children should be allowed to play with toy guns, what is clear from the research is that aggressive play should not be stopped. Landy and Menna found that mothers of aggressive children were more likely to stop aggressive make-believe play. They were also more likely to say things like ‘That’s not nice’ or ‘That’s unkind’. In contrast, mothers of non-aggressive children would play along with the
aggressive play, taking on the voice of certain characters and pretending to be scared, killed or eaten by crocodiles and dinosaurs. Landy and Menna found that mothers of aggressive children were more likely to stop aggressive make-believe play. They were also more likely to say things like ‘That’s not nice’ or ‘That’s unkind’. In contrast, mothers of non-aggressive children would play along with the aggressive play, taking on the voice of certain characters and pretending to be scared, killed or eaten by crocodiles and dinosaurs. Landy and Menna suggest that children become more aggressive if they cannot act out their aggression during play. If aggression is not released during play, then it ends up being acted out physically through hitting, biting and pushing.
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eirenepax
Jul 06, 2013 @ 21:49:45
this type of play by boys reminds me of puppies and kittens who “play-act” fighting each other, and yet those puppies and kittens don’t grow up to be especially aggressive. It could give them a chance, through play, to learn about the consequences of guns, ie, play-acting at the death of those who are shot.
psychologymum
Jul 06, 2013 @ 21:53:09
You make an interesting comparison with puppies and kittens. I agree that boys can learn a lot through playful aggression.
Alexander Residence
Jul 07, 2013 @ 11:05:09
That’s really interesting thanks! I am at a similar stage to you, my son was playing guns with whatever he could find so having a plastic one seemed no different. I drew the line at him shooting people out the car window yesterday and people out and about seem quite horrified by him having it, so I try and keep them at home. My mum was a play therapist, I often wish she was still around to ask so really appreciate these insights.
psychologymum
Jul 07, 2013 @ 15:32:19
I have had my son shoot out the car window too and on his bike. I have tried to explain to him that other people might find it rude.
mother.wife.me (@motherwifeme)
Jul 10, 2013 @ 08:32:25
Really interesting post. Thinking back, my brother and I used to have toy guns around the house – well they were my brother’s, but I’m sure I would have played with them at some point. Neither of us has gone on to shoot anyone for real! That said, it so far hasn’t crossed my mind to buy one for my three year old and I’m not sure I would, which shows how much perception of toy guns has changed over the years.
On the subject of aggressive role play, this makes total sense. Not allowing a child to express their emotions through role play must only serve them to bottle those emotions up. I guess the sticky part comes if they are role playing aggressively with another child rather than a parent. I suppose if it’s crocodiles eating one another this is fine, but if it tips over into something more akin to one child being plain aggressive that’s when we have to step in.
psychologymum
Jul 10, 2013 @ 20:17:47
Perception of toy guns has changed over time but interestingly nursery and preschool workers in the UK are being trained to allow this kind of role play again. When my son plays star wars they tend to pretend fight rather than show real aggression to each other. If it does become aggressive, I remind my son that they are pretending and to be careful not to hurt the other child. He usually listens to this.
A Time and a Place for Play | Cognitioneducation
Jul 13, 2013 @ 23:24:51